Monday, May 26, 2014

Oh My Neglected Soul

  The Neglected Soul

I am a donated light storage room of secrets
That has been heart broken, abandoned and in  sore sorrow in the deepness
Oh My rejected Soul
I was in false light oh how didn't I know 
Now I am in the depths of  horrid darkness for all I know
Without much hope like a dying disappearing soul
Oh My Rejected Soul
I don't know what I did wrong
 but all I know is that they don't love me.
Oh My Neglected Soul
I have something no one knows it is more important and
 way much bigger than anything
like a big heart
LOVE IS WHAT IT IS
That"s what I  own
and no one wants to see it
Oh My Neglected soul
I may continue in horrible darkness,
But I will move on to a new sparkling light
A sun that will soon explode like my poor bag heart
And my poor old storage room  bag will stay in darkness
Oh My Neglected Soul
Indeed it might
but still I have faith like a graceful swan
I don't want to lose her beautiful face and ways
But maybe I don't have a Rejected soul after all
Even if she not mine
I didn't get that rejected at the end
There are many people around me.
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14 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:05 AM

    dear adrien i think this poem is beautiful with all the word you use i really like the repeat phrase

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:06 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:06 AM

    Dear Adrien,
    You have some spelling mistake, but that can be fixed. But the tone of your story is strong!
    Kaitlyn

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:06 AM

    Dear Adrien
    I really like all your metaphors
    sincerely Jules

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:06 AM

    Dear Adrien,
    That was an excellent poem, but I double checked and in the middle of the poem, you put " that I what own" and that doesn't even make sense to me even in rap. But that is a minor problem, overall, good work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:07 AM

    Dear Adrien
    This is a great poem i think if instead of doing like a rap do it like a song
    Tommy

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:09 AM

    Dear Adrien
    you have some spelling mistake but although wise

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:09 AM

    Dear Adrien, Amazing poem! I really like your metaphors because they really show how the bag feels. I think on some lines you could add a simile, but besides that, your poem is amazing.
    Alon Haas

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:14 AM

    dear Adrien
    you have some spelling mistake
    but otherwise it was very
    beautiful poem

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 12:59 AM

    Dear Adrien,
    I really like your poem, it was really long, but it was worth it, I have no feedback, because it was wonderful and great.

    Best regards, John Stuart

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 1:19 AM

    Dear Adrien,
    This is amazing, i like the repeat phase

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 2:23 AM

    This is Pro adrien, keepmup the good work

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousMay 27, 2014 at 2:24 AM

    sorry i meant keep up the good work

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJune 11, 2014 at 8:17 AM

    Dear Gustav,
    Wow... that was an amazing poem with all of your similes my favorite was
    like a graceful swan. I thought that you made it sound almost like a love song.
    So that was amazing poem but I never got who the bag was supposed to mean.

    ReplyDelete

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